Jagged Loss
by Shadowdib
Summary: Ryou doesn't get much closure. Yugi notices when he starts to splinter. Manga continuity, post-canon but pre-DSOD.


The first thing that Yugi noticed when he got in the door was that Ryou was wearing the trench coat from the memory world RPG.

"I only have the one extra pair of slippers, I've been meaning to get more." Ryou held them out, said slippers colored an off-eggshell blue. "Did you- are the others going to come?"

"Anzu had dance practice, and Jounouchi and Honda were doing something together." Yugi shrugged, taking the slippers and tugging them on. "You said that you wanted to show me your new game board?"

Ryou smiled, and the second thing that Yugi noticed was that the bags under his eyes were a little darker than usual. "Yes, that was it. Come in."

The third thing that Yugi noticed was that Ryou was wearing a pendant. This one had a blue circle around a white eye, and a pattern of golden scales were arranged in a diamond surrounding the blue one. Yugi readjusted his school bag, hearing the pens clink around. Ryou's apartment was a little neater than it had been the last time he'd visited a few weeks ago. Then again, a few weeks ago, he'd just lost the spirit of the ring.

"Your eyeliner is smudged." Ryou said, pointing to his own right eye. "I don't mind, I just thought you'd want to know."

"Oh, thank you. I have some more in my bag, you wouldn't mind if I fixed it, would you?"

Another weary smile. "Not at all. The bathroom is right there, take your time."

Yugi nodded, turning to the bathroom while Ryou moved into the game room. He opened the door- and stared.

And kept staring.

The mirror had been shattered in the middle by something circular, cracks spiderwebbing out with blood centered in the middle and moving out among the spaces between pieces. There wasn't any glass in the sink or on the floor that he could see, and the blood was dark red, almost black as it soaked into the cork behind the mirror. It was clearly at least a few days old.

Yugi's breath caught in his throat, smudged eyeliner completely forgotten.

"Ryou?"

"Is the door locked?" Gentle footsteps padded across the room, before he looked over Yugi's hair. "Oh. I forgot."

"Are you okay?"

"It was a few days ago, I just haven't replaced the mirror yet." His voice was shockingly flat, or at least is seemed so to Yugi. "There isn't any broken glass left, you should be- oh, you wanted to fix your makeup. I think I have a handheld mirror in my bag somewhere-"

"I don't care about the makeup! Did someone break in, or did you-" Yugi's eyes widened. "Is this why you've been wearing gloves the past few days?"

Ryou sighed. "What answer will get you to leave it alone?"

"None of them! Ryou, we're your friends, you can talk to us, to me, about anything!" Yugi reached for Ryou's arms to try and show him that he was there, but Ryou took a step back.

"It's not a big deal. I just… it was dark, and I thought I…. thought he…" Ryou fingered the loop on the top of his pendant. "I hadn't brushed my hair that morning, that's all."

Yugi moved away from the open bathroom door, and knelt down on the carpet of the living room, and with a sigh Ryou followed, kneeling in front of him. "Is there a reason you're wearing the coat?"

"It's comfortable." More fiddling with the necklace, the little interlocking scales clinking like a wind chime. "And… Yugi, promise me that you won't get mad."

Yugi nodded. "I promise."

Ryou let the pendant fall from his hand, tugging off his gloves and revealing bandages on his right hand as he tucked them into his coat pocket. He then curled his fingers around the opposite sleeves of the coat. "I know that the spirit wasn't… good. He hurt people. He hurt me. But… I knew him."

Yugi could see the bluish veins on the back of his pale hands as his fingers tightened. "He… he wasn't always manipulating me. Some nights, he refused to let me wear the ring, because he didn't want to feel breathing or heartbeats. He said… that if I wore it when I slept, sometimes he dreamed."

Yugi took a deep breath. "Did I ever tell you that he helped me, once?"

Ryou froze. "He did?"

"It was when Otagi and his father challenged me to a game. You remember that? His father took the puzzle, but the spirit said he was confident that I could win, because I'd solved the Millennium Puzzle. It probably was because he needed me to keep the puzzle, but he didn't just hurt Otagi or tell me what move to make, like he could have." Yugi shifted, so both of his legs were on one side. "I was in the Memory World. That monster, Zorc… maybe he messed with the spirit."

A shiver ran up Ryou's spine. "Zorc. He had me make that doll special. He wouldn't let me order a monster, it had to be handmade."

"Atem wasn't… quite right when he first showed up." Yugi reached out to grab Ryou's hand, tugging it gently away from the sleeve. "Maybe… maybe the spirit of the ring just never fully broke through the dark magic."

"You're too kind, you know that, Yugi?" Ryou stared at their intertwined fingers. "He was a bastard who practically ruined my life, but I miss him. How awful is that?"

"It's hard to sort through feelings."

A beat passed, then another. Through Ryou's pale skin, Yugi swore he could see each pump of blood in his veins.

"I could feel his, sometimes."

"You could feel his feelings?"

Ryou nodded, chin dropping to his chest. "Our relationship wasn't as… black and white as it looked. He couldn't control me all the time, not unless I let him. He needed me to keep our life running normally, keep the body fed and cleaned and all that. Still, he couldn't keep himself completely separate from me. I was pushed into the ring when he was in charge, and more than once I stumbled across pieces of him." A breath, and Yugi squeezed Ryou's hand.

"He grieved for his village, and he hated the pharaoh. He liked Marik, then hated him for giving up on the darkness. He was human, once, and… emotions slipped through. From both of us." Ryou's nails dug into Yugi's skin. "It's like I lost a part of me, and I never even got to say goodbye."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

Ryou looked up without raising his head, looking from the top of his eyes. "You'd all just nearly died because of Zorc and the Thief King. I doubt that you'd want to hear I missed him."

"I'd want to know you to know you can trust us."

"But you couldn't trust me." His voice was soaked through with bitterness like a rag with vinegar.

Yugi opened his mouth to argue, but Ryou shook his head. "Don't bother. I would have probably done the same."

"…Where did you get that eye pendant?" The change of subject was obvious, but Ryou allowed it, letting go of Yugi's hand to trace around the edge of it.

"It's from Greece. It's supposed to ward off the curse of the evil eye. Father was mad I gave you the ring, until Isis stepped in and explained it was going back to Egypt. I've been carrying the ring since I was a child. It felt wrong to not wear something around my neck by now."

"Is blue typical?"

"I think so."

"Do you still want to show me the board?"

Ryou leaned back on his feet, standing up a bit shakily. "I do."

"Thank you for trusting me." Yugi stood up as well. "I know it's tough, now that the spirits are gone, but… you have me, and Jounouchi and Anzu and Honda and Otagi."

Ryou smiled, eyes far older than his sixteen years. "I know." The next words were murmured to himself. "I'll survive like I always do."

* * *

A/N: I love reviews!


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